Sunday, December 12, 2010

Living In Video.

Tom Petty says I don't have to live like a refugee ... but for now, I guess I sort of have to. Good people, I've been dealing with a nasty troll, and for a few weeks now, he's been bent on ruining any sort of life I've been building on YouTube for the past three years. Now, I know I owe YouTube a debt—after all, I met my husband on the site, and I've formed friendships that have extended into my offline life and have become like family to me—but the way to repay a debt should not have to be through jumping hoops of hellfire courtesy of the motherfucker of all cyberbullies. I wish YouTube would unload the son of a bitch, but they won't, and I've come to terms with that.

I will say this ... yes, he's given me a run for my money, and yes, he's caused me to privatize my videos and make my channel invisible through the Christmas break, but my channel is still there, my offline life is great, and he hasn't broken my spirit. It really sucks that everyone else can come onto YouTube and share their hobbies and passions, but I can't, simply because of the color of my skin. I wasn't aware that you had to be white to be a horror fan. My mother is white, if that helps. I could be half of a fan.

I shouldn't have to justify shit with anyone, but I will clarify—just this once—that I am proud to be who I am, what(s) I am, and I love eating yams with my green eggs and ham. Sam I am. I'm not out to change anyone's minds, or change the world, or start any movement that I can't finish in the can. I'm just trying to be myself. I've been a horror fan for my entire life, ever since I was a toddler being schlepped to the drive-in by my stoner parents in the late 1970s. I grew up in the good years, when VHS was cheap to rent, and it was all gravy, from the Media ident right down to the tracking bars. And I've always loved other horror fans, because I could relate to them. Many of you reading this are my friends on YouTube, and I hope you know by now how much I love you, and how much I value your friendship. But to those of you who sub to me, I don't take your sub lightly. I myself only sub to those channels that truly interest me, as common interests are what form the transactions that create friendships, and this cycle serves as the entire basis for YouTube. So I want you to know that I love and value you, too. I wish we lived in a world where I could friend everyone, but we don't. Then again, a world without hate has no balance in a world with only love, and there would be no use for Horror. And so it goes ...

I've posted my latest video, which I've had to privatize on YouTube. I just want the chance to post my videos like everyone else, without some needle dick uploading them on his channel as means through which to harass me. Anyway, Happy Holidays—whatever you celebrate—Happy New Year. Be safe. *hugs*

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Attacking the Show.

Okay, so I'm old. But I embrace it; at least I can recall when things were good. Like MTV. And Saturday morning cartoons. And McDonald's.

And being That Old, I can also recall when GTV (Geek Television) was good. Back when Syfy wasn't spelled in Ebonics, Comedy Central aired MST3K, and G4 was called TechTV. Back in the day, TechTV was veddy, veddy good to the geeks, freaks, nerds and techies by giving them great shows like X-Play, Call for Help and The Screen Savers. Then TechTV merged with G4, renamed itself G4TV, got rid of everything that was great and credible (save for two things: X-Play and its perennial hostess with the mostest, Morgan Webb), subtracted the T and V, added the T and A, threw in a few couch-potato staples such as Cops and Cheaters, and became the pop culture urinal cake known today as G4.

By sticking to a recipe consisting of one tbsp. of Spike TV, a tsp. of Maxim, the soul of young gamers and two cups of social media—stirred together with a lightsaber and served up on an iPad with a side of fresh ink—G4 has successfully reinvented itself into becoming a penultimate Gateway to the Geeks. One show in particular, Attack of the Show, has managed to lodge itself firmly into the Geekgeist, and with everyone showing their "G" spots these days, the advertisers are taking notice.

Attack of the Show has, since its inception, subscribed to a guy-girl presenting aesthetic, with the show truly establishing itself through the duo of Kevin Perreira and Olivia Munn. That said, and reserving my comments on the latter part of that pairing, I'll skip over the latest "Feed" at AOTS—the announcement of Munn's replacement, Candace Bailey— and get to straight to the dramarama, which was that the real news was not what was announced, but who wasn't—the always-great, always-cute Alison Haislip. DVRs love Alison Haislip. Or, at least ours did at Casa de Chance.

Now, I've done all my wailing, moaning, hair-pulling and garment-ripping over Haislip not being selected as Perreira's wingwoman, so I've elected to go into Acceptance mode, wish Candace Bailey well (I have no hard feelings about this girl, it's just that Haislip earned the spot and was robbed), sew my knickers back together and get over it (although the Haislip slight signals the end of my G4 viewership). I would've even been happy with Jessica Chobot, but that's mostly because 1) I like Chobot and she has cred, and 2) I was punch-drunk for Wonder Woman as a child, and she looks just like Lynda Carter. But as I review the stable of revolving fill-ins AOTS has had since Munn's departure, I've got something to say, and I've been wanting to say it for a while.

AOTS—and G4 in general—continue to completely shut out the "cullah" girls. Or, in other words, girls like me. I'm talking brown, black, yellow and mocha-chocha-latta-yaya; we were completely shut out of the running during Munnwatch 2010. Sure, Tiffany Smith is Rosario Dawson-ite in color, and yes, Olivia Munn is Eurasian, but that's not the same as G4 actually reaching out and giving a girl of color a shot at the AOTS title. Gee, 'Four—Even TechTV had Sumi Das.

But I get it. The reason is because girls like me are considered the antithesis of the American Ideal. Basically, we "don't sell." Girls like me are not even "good enough" to have Gone Wild. Without getting all Summer's Eve and Ani DiFranco about this, I'll just say that I get it, and it sucks. Now at 35, I'm way too old to present (or even want to present) a show geared toward the Axe demographic (I'm more of a High Karate type, anyway). But somewhere in Middle America, there's a black girl who can read "MC Hammer" on a teleprompter, who subs to horror podcasts (btw, anyone subbing The Walking Dead podcast? It's pretty ace), who collects old Fangos and will never get how Freddy Vs. Ash still hasn't managed to be made. And maybe she's a pretty good gamer, too.

To be fair, G4 has been known to add a random black Booth Babe at various events like E3 or Comic-Con. However, this is not the same as allowing a girl of color to actually host the channel's centerpiece show. But maybe things will change. Maybe Bailey, like her predecessor, will shrewdly exploit her loyal fanbase before leaving them to choke on her dust while she moves on to other things.

If that happens, I hope that G4 will consider throwing a Herschey kiss into the candy bowl. Who knows—maybe the kids will like chocolate.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Doin' The New TRON Dance ...

Aka Sharing is Caring 2: Electric Boogaloo. Thanks, KCRW!!!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Trix Are for Netflix.

But first things first ... saw FNM Tuesday night with the Hubbernator at the Palladium in H'wood:

Oh no they di-int. 

Cosoriano on YT uploaded a grip of vids from that awesome night. I would post one, but I'm just so grateful to the guy that I feel it's worth visiting his channel to check them out personally. Anyway, Mike Patton is just so sexy. Ladies, I know you feel me. And some guys, too. Right? Right.

Der Setlist:

From Out of Nowhere
Everything's Ruined
Surprise! You're Dead!
Chinese Arithmatic (*cough* and Poker Face *cough*)
Last Cup of Sorrow
Cuckoo for Caca
Midlife Crisis
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
I Started a Joke
Ashes to Ashes
Just a Man
Chariots of Fire
We Care A Lot
This Guy's In Love With You

We had way too much fun, and the crowd was awesome ... with the exception of this one dude who bought an ice-cold beer and then somehow—between the absolutely wicked supporting act Creepy Creeps and the million-year wait for FNM to approach the stage—forgot that the beer was supposed to go into his mouth, and not all over my shoes. But it's bygones. At least it missed my head, unlike the free beer shampoo my hair received  on the Vegas Strip on New Year's Eve in 1999.

So anyway ...

Something happened on the way to Thanksgiving, and it was called Netflix—a vicious spiral of awesomeness that threatened to insert itself right into the middle of the even more awesome spiral of awesomeness that I call my marriage. Gifted with a nice little chunk of time off, we finally had enough minutes to thoroughly enjoy the bounty of treasures awaiting us in our Instant Viewing Queue.

But then Netflix did a naughty thing. It slurred sweet suggestions in our ears, luring us to try other films that we "might" like, based on other things we watched:

You liked Dracula A.D., now try Girly.

Netflix was right. He just ... he just gets me, you know?

Girly was good, huh? You know you liked it. You loved it. Yeah. Oh, and I noticed you watched The Prowler, and Graduation Day. Well, how about Open House? Hot real estate agents get targeted by a serial killer. It's got Adrienne Barbeau in it. And I know how much you love her ...

You girls okay in there? Mama's makin' a movie.

And so on and so forth. I think between the two of us, John and I ended up watching Netflix's entire catalog in one week. Okay, not really. But a few of my YouTube friends did send out search-party PMs, so it had to have been a substantial amount.

Here are a few of my favorite "new" finds:

Girly (1969)

Careful, they'll send you to the angels.

Originally titled Mumsy, Nanny, Sonny and Girly. This movie had to have inspired every loony-tune family-of-murderers movie out there. You can't tell me Tobe Hooper or Rob Zombie never saw this one.

Girly and Sonny get a head in their new friendship.

I love this film. Director Freddie Francis also helmed a few of my favorite Hammer films, The Evil of Frankenstein, and Dracula Has Risen From the Grave.

The Beguiled (1971)

He takes the good, he takes the bad ... and it just gets worse from there.

John chose this one. John is a genius. He's also a sly devil, knowing how much I love Clint Eastwood. But I don't love chick flicks, and judging from the title and the cover, you'd think this had Lifetime Television for Seniors written all over it. But it's so, so good. In this one, Clint Eastwood plays a wounded Civil War soldier taken in by a school for girls. Problem is, he's for the North, and the girls and their schoolmarm are staunchly for the South. Differences are set aside and Eastwood is gently nursed back to health, but soon, all hell breaks loose.Without giving anything away, let me just say that this school ain't Eastland.

These girls want his body in the worst way.

So, if you're one of my YouTube friends, and you've been wondering where I've been, well ... I've been spending my time with Netflix. Just recently, he's upped his fees, but like a hooker with a heart of gold, he continues to give me instant gratification, with maybe a few new tricks thrown in. And like a lonely Jane without a pocket rocket on a Saturday night, I'll continue to pay up.