Now, where have I seen this before? |
So, what’s my point? That teenagers are bat-shit crazy? That we can be Vikings, heroes, zombies and demons? That Medieval Times should add zombie jousting to their dinner tournaments? Yes to all of these, but mainly, my point is that there comes a time when genre fans must acknowledge that the same circle of horror filmmakers are reheating the veal and serving it up as steak. I mentioned on Twitter that I was going to review The Conjuring on my blog, so I suppose this is the crux of it. The Conjuring is a good film, but only because the actors in it elevate the material. I mean, Lilli Taylor? Vera Farmiga? That’s anti-suckage insurance right there. I wish all horror directors would invest in the premium.
But if you took the actors out of this film, you’d essentially
just have what is tantamount to a TV movie on the level of 1977’s The Possessed. Of course, the market
saturation began in the Seventies, thanks to a film about a little girl who
just wanted to play some Ouija and buy a horse (sidebar—Ellen Burstyn trying to
sell Sunday as a great day for a birthday is probably the one terrible bit of
acting she has ever done). That film
became a hit, and then suddenly, everyone was possessed with possession. Producers
catered to it then for the same reasons why they throw their support at it now:
because it’s easy money. The same thing happened
with the zombie subgenre, to the extent of Fulci having to slip some undead
into The Beyond just to appease his
investors. And I think that’s the worst of it—when artistic integrity is forced to take a backseat
to studio self indulgence. It’s much more of an offense to me than simply
tacking “of the Dead” to your protagonist and calling it a film—which is, by
the way, a whole other Oprah.
Having said all of this, I don’t go to the cinema to have my
life changed. I realize that we could transfer this argument to any other
horror subgenre, such as the slasher. My problem with rehashing the same old ideas
is that it’s being done to the exclusion of new ones. There are writers and
directors out there waiting for an opportunity to get their stories out , and
they’re being ignored in favor of their “more proven” counterparts. If you’re a
fledgling filmmaker, you quickly find that social media only works if your
community supports you (and good luck with that), or if you are successful in
lighting your farts on camera without cauterizing your anus. One of the
wonderful things about horror in the Eighties is that while the market was exhausted
with bad demonic possession, zombie and slasher films, it also offered up a wellspring
of work for everyone—especially first-time directors and women—so that everyone
could put their slant on the genre. And they did. But when it comes to seeing
anything original for our money today, I
guess we can all just go to hell.